I swear to god I just do. DX;

Okay, well. About maybe.. two weeks ago? My computer crashed. It was morning when it happened and I was high on ibuprofen and cough medicine since I was sick (And the red ninja decided to pop up and beat up my insides and make my back hurt like bloody hell.). I was reading Akumetsu on OneManga since I had nothing else to do. I then went to make jello, since I was in the mood for something nice and cold. I come back, and the laptop was just.. frozen. It would only let my pointer go around, none of the links were working. So I decided to turn it off and let it cool. Now I'm wishing I hadn't done that.

About an hour later after watching Doctor Who. I came back and turned the laptop back on.

It wouldn't even get PAST the loading screen. A blue screen kept blinking up once, then it just started all over again! I. WAS. HORRIFIED. I turned it off. And just decided to wait until Mum woke up so she could check it. WELL. It took her a day and a half to figure out what the hell was wrong. The Internal.. something. I forgot what it was called. Just. CRASHED. Died. Went to computer parts hell. Wen-- well. You get it.

Thing is, the memory is stored on it and I found out I had about.. a 10 percent chance out of 90 to get it back. I felt like crying. I had so many things on there, so many important things. For about.. maybe a week I stayed in my room and just tried to sleep. Mum said that she would just rent me a new computer from Aaron's.

I got the same computer, it looks EXACTLY the same as my old one. Except it's a Vista instead of a Window's XP. It hurt because it's the most expensive one from Aaron's and everyone that was with me kept saying I should get the other model's. I just couldn't. Mum wasn't with me, so I felt very uncomfortable.

The thing is, is that when me and my cousin went out to the car too get a smoke (He smokes. I don't.), they tried to change the damn computer on me. In the end, I got the one that looks exactly like my old one.

I'm helping to pay it, so It should be a problem. Plus, mum said I couldn't ask for anything and that was my birthday and just maybe Christmas. We WERE going to go to a con and Holiday world this year. For relaxation and enjoyment. But, so many things have suddenly just broke on us, we aren't able too. Plus, my aunt kept trying to not pay something of hers, so we had to pay it for her. THERE WENT ALL OUR VACATION MONEY.

I think two days later after I finally got situated with my new laptop, my grandfather comes and brings in a NEW computer. Which is a desktop. And in which, we had to pull our old one out and put in the new one. It's sitting behind the laptop right now. I'm not using it. I have never liked desktops. NEVER. So now Mum keeps saying that I'm using it and that I love it and blahblahblah. And I haven't even LOOKED through it. I know, it's selfish. But.. I just can't help it.

Everyone knows how I am with change, sometimes I love it, sometimes I don't. And my cousin is about to move back in to go to school soon and he LOVES to use the computer all the time. So when he's here, I either have to take my laptop to my room, or let him use the laptop.

We don't have a wireless router for the computers yet. Which, I am actually happy about since now I can still sit at the desk. But, this is only going to go on until we go to wal-mart and they remember to get a wireless router.

I have a thing with running around the living room while listening to music. So, if I move the laptop, I lose my running place.

And the thing is, Mum won't tell Poppy (Grandpa) that I don't like the computer, because SHE likes it. And if I tell him I don't like it, then It gets taken away.

I don't want anything else but my laptop. The one I am USED to. And now they are talking about me getting a mac and just ....God..... I just don't want all of this stuff. The desktop costs more then what I get for christmas, THREE YEARS IN A DAMN ROW. Then he complains about letting my Mum borrow money to help for Christmas for my niece and me and the family and it just goes down hill then and I... I just can't take it anymore. Everything was fine before. Why can't it just stay that way?

Poppy then tries to argue with Mum and the last time that happened I told him to just stop. About ten minutes before that when Poppy went outside to use the weed whacker Mum said "I don't know why you won't stand up for me," Then she gets mad at me because I did something about Poppy.

I always keep these things inside because I don't want to bother anybody about it. But, I just don't think I can explain these things in the dark anymore. People never come to my journal and never care. So, I'm pretty much in the clear. I just can't... help it anymore. I just can't. I'm not depressed about, and I'm not going to go all COMMIT SUICIDE over it. I just want to get it out and make myself comfortable again instead of keeping it inside and having to deal with it day by day and try not to get angry or cry when I do think about it. It sickens me. I never ask for anything and I DON'T WANT ANYTHING. I'm content with what I have, yet I get stuff thrown at my face and sometimes am forced to use those things. I just don't understand....

There is one thing. I am very afraid of change. Not in the everyday life kind of change. You know, routines. I don't care about that. I'm just afraid of THINGS being changed. It brings me to the point that I'm scared that EVERYTHING is going to change, because I know it will. Some people should notice when like.. lets say a new layout and design gets put on a site. The others will then change too. I'm more scared of people changing, leaving, dying. People that I care about....

This ends my rant.

Hello and welcome to my journal! ^^;